28 June 2009

Life baffles me sometimes...

(photo from here)

Sometimes I wish I were a more simple person.  I know that along with that simplicity would be a lack of intellect, a lack of my staunch morality, a lack of my artistic soul (necessarily tortured).  However, sometimes I still wish that I could be the type of person who was just...satisfied.  I push people until their noses are pressed against their limits, and they resent me for it; I love intensely, from the very beginning, and I flow where my passion takes me; I always want more and better and therefore I am inherently dissatisfied with what I see; I leap where I should be taking baby steps.  I sympathize with Katie (K-K-K-Katie), but remember, Katie is left for the simple girl at the end...Do the simple girls always win?  Do people not want to be around the complicated girl?  Can't I just be simple for a day and try it on for size?

Wendy: I think you have, Peter. And I daresay you've felt it yourself. For something... or... someone? 
Peter: Never. Even the sound of it offends me. 
Peter: Why do you have to spoil everything? We have fun, don't we? I taught you to fly and to fight. What more could there be? 
Wendy: There is so much more. 
Peter: What? What else is there? 
Wendy: I don't know. I guess it becomes clearer when you grow up. 
Peter: Well, I will not grow up. You cannot make me! 

"If I push too hard it's because I want things to be better, I want us to be better, I want you to be better. Sure I make waves you have I mean you have to. And I'll keep making them till your everything you should be and will be. You'll never find anyone as good for you as I am, to believe in you as much as I do or to love you as much!"
~the way we were~

"You're always begging things to love you as if you were a beggar for love. Even the flowers, you have to fawn on them - You don't want to love - your eternal and abnormal craving is to be loved. You aren't positive, you're negative. You absorb, absorb, as if you must fill yourself up with love, because you've got a shortage somewhere."
~d.h. lawrence, sons and lovers


Pixie July said...

I do feel this way. I do, I do. This helped: http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/apr/30/stephen-fry-letter-gay-rights
It's a letter Stephen Fry wrote recently to his 16-year-old self, he could almost be writing to me right now:
"Oh, lord love you, Stephen. How I admire your arrogance and rage and misery. How pure and righteous they are and how passionately storm-drenched was your adolescence. How filled with true feeling, fury, despair, joy, anxiety, shame, pride and above all, supremely above all, how overpowered it was by love. My eyes fill with tears just to think of you. Of me. Tears splash on to my keyboard now. I am perhaps happier now than I have ever been and yet I cannot but recognise that I would trade all that I am to be you, the eternally unhappy, nervous, wild, wondering and despairing 16-year-old Stephen: angry, angst-ridden and awkward but alive. Because you know how to feel, and knowing how to feel is more important than how you feel. Deadness of soul is the only unpardonable crime, and if there is one thing happiness can do it is mask deadness of soul."
PS. I am sorry about the new guy. Frogs for the princes, I say...

Anonymous said...

sometimes I wish I could just suck it up and be happy, stop viewing everything so negatively and just enjoy the simple things. I have a horrible habit of comparing my happiness to others, which only makes me more unhappy and less of an individual. I try to remind myself there is someone out there who will love me for me, but then sometimes I feel like that is buying into some crass fairy tale and I'm just delusional and sugarcoated with too many romance novels and movies, but I have to have faith regardless. Its hard, but I feel like even the best of brightest of us go through it

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this. :)