19 March 2009
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
I have bronchitis and cannot speak. It is funny how all it takes is losing something to make you realize how important it is to your sanity. I feel like Ariel in The Little Mermaid. Fitting, because we both have red hair and often feel like we belong somewhere else.
I also have a sinus infection, which apparently DOES mess with the sanity, at least according to my father. It has been making me really moody. Two days ago I had the annual "my life is meaningless" freakout, which may be part of my anxieties that I've lost the ability to connect with my students. A student who was angry at me wrote a really vicious, derogatory, and hurtful comment on the evaluation form I had the kids fill out, and other students remarked on my flaws as a teacher, which is always hard to swallow. I just don't know what I am doing in this job if I can't make a difference in these kids' lives. I went into teaching not because I want to teach grammar and writing. I went into teaching because I love literature and I want to inspire these kids to lead better lives in which they know how to question, analyze, think, and learn from the things that came before us. But I can't think about this anymore. I am driving myself insane.
This is the "Heart and Soul" nebula located in the constellation Casseopeia. I don't know much about stars-- although I do know lots of constellations-- but I knew I was going to be on the subject of hearts, so I thought I would choose something beautiful and atypical. I am completing Pixie July's Show Your Heart tag, in....
"Blossom Umbrella" by Erte. My grandfather was an art dealer who specialized in Erte, and I fell in love with this seriograph when I was a little girl. When he passed away, it became reserved for me, and in my New York apartment it hung above the couch between my green floral picture frames. Now it is propped on my antique dresser, across from my bed. It is the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. It makes me feel beautiful, just by its presence in my bedroom. It is so deco, oh so Zelda Fitzgerald. This was a tough choice for me-- we've got Waterhouse, Klimt, Kandinsky, all of whom I adore. We've got Magritte, whose trompe l'oeil paintings earn my admiration. But Erte is the closest to my heart, because it is the closest to my home.
"He wishes for the cloths of Heaven" by William Butler Yeats
Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
"Dancing" by Elisa; "Cactus Tree" by Joni Mitchell; "Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star; "Why" by Annie Lennox; and "Nightswimming" by R.E.M (I can't choose just one!)
"It was the touch of the imperfect upon the would-be perfect that gave the sweetness, because it was that which gave the humanity."
~Thomas Hardy (oh Tess!)
1 item of clothing:
My green dress. It is my favorite color, flowy, dips deep in the front, and is perfect for twirling. It reminds me of something that would be work in the Bohemian Left Bank 1930s...
It has to be Haworth in Yorkshire, in England. It's where the Brontes grew up. It has the moors, the dearest people, mulled wine, and the sweetest little tea shops you've ever seen.
[and just for fun] 1 Disney princess!
That's easy. I am Belle to a T. I always have my head in a book, I gravitate toward the unconventional, I find that the real world is never as exciting as a story, and I always think that "there must be more than this provincial life." Belle is the perfect mixture of class, whimsy, PASSION, and intelligence. Plus, she is the most feminist-friendly of all of the princesses!
"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand to have someone understand I want so much more than they've got planned..."
And the tags: