Honeys and Rebels

I was thrilled to find this 1977 Time Magazine book review of Jessica Mitford's A Fine Old Conflict. My Mitford fascination is new, but I just find something so thrilling about these families between the wars who were known for their unconventionality, their talent (four out of six sisters were published writers), and for their distinct personalities. The Garman family is another one like this, although they do seem to be more famous for their love affairs than their actual accomplishments.

Granted, I don't agree with the Mitford sisters' politics. Diana was married to the Fascist leader Oswald Mosley, and Unity (whose birth at "Swastika" and middle name "Valkyrie" seem to be a bit prophetic) was a companion of Hitler; on the opposite side, Nancy and Jessica (Decca) were involved with the Communist party. But Nancy's humorous prose and Decca's investigative nonfiction and essays really inspire me, not by how well-written they are but more about how the girls themselves are so individualistic. Granted, their upbringing was not easy or even good at times, but both of them turned their rough experiences into humor and art. I think that is pretty inspirational! I've gotten really into reading biographies lately, and I think that is because I am looking to be inspired by real people, especially strong women.
Beauty also inspires me, and New York Review Books (which, in my opinion, publish the most aesthetically pleasing and deserving titles) has reissued a stunning edition of Decca Mitford's Hons and Rebels. You know that old adage about not judging a book by its cover? That is completely ridiculous. Judge, judge away! How gorgeous are these books?

What's the harm in being enchanted?

Since last night was the night before Thanksgiving, my family and I indulged in the nation-wide tradition of going to the movies prior to cooking frenzy and food coma. Since I'm a lover of escapist, girly films, I suggested that we see Enchanted, the ode to Disney movies and fairy tales. Of course I loved it, but my writings here are meant to express more than likes and dislikes. This movie actually really made me think about fairy tales and the concept of "true love" and "happy endings."
Much as I do love my Disney films, I sometimes wonder if those concepts of relationships hurt me more than they helped. Granted, I grew up a bit sheltered in a suburban existence being the only daughter, so I may have put a little bit too much stock in romantic movies and novels. I guess on some level I actually believed they were true! It's not like I expected cartoon birds to braid my hair every morning before I ran singing down the hillside to meet my handsome prince-- but I did believe that love conquers all and that somehow, one day, I would be rescued from confusion by my version of a handsome prince.
Flash forward to the real world: relationships are complicated. I've dated complete jerks and I've dated fantastic guys, but none of those guys wore those jackets with those little brushy things on the shoulders. And while I have fallen in love and do believe that it is very real, it was never without its complications. Sometimes it's hard not to become jaded, to think that lasting love is a myth and that it will never happen. But it's also tempting to rely on happily ever after, to think that you don't have to work to make yourself whole because someone will rescue you and do it for you.
Seeing Enchanted, which is a modern take on the Disney motif, reminded me of the importance of believing. If I weren't idealistic, if I didn't have a side of myself that believes in leaping headfirst into something that feels right, then I wouldn't be me. And frankly, I don't want to be the type of person who moves cautiously in romance-- I guess you could say that the way I've followed my heart recently (in relationships as well as in my career!) is the real-world equivalent of Ariel taking a chance at being human (except for the whole "losing your voice" thing...that messes with the metaphor, because this new chapter in my life is supposed to be about finding my voice!). Fairy tales inspire that hope in us and prevent us from being those jaded, closed-off types. But what I really liked about Enchanted was that it presented the opposite view as well-- the danger of being the damsel in distress. You have to rescue yourself. You can't see yourself as a victim.
Obviously this is something I'm still struggling with as I enter this confusing new stage in my life. I'm not even talking about relationships, although I guess it's applicable to those too. I mean more about taking charge and taking action, but still taking time to appreciate the beauty in life. And trying not to lose hope. Although leaping has sometimes meant that I hit the ground hard, I will never stop remembering the happiness and freedom I felt while I was still in the air. I hope to recapture that feeling as I go about finding more about who I am...

Photo courtesy of imdb.com

Here I am

It's hard to post on a blog for the first time-- I can't quite get over the idea of exposure! I guess I'll think of it as a bit of a You've Got Mail phenomenon, sending a thought out into the cosmic void.
I'm back in the Midwest for Thanksgiving, which always makes me think about my childhood and my past and how so many little things in my life have made me happy over the years. I wore my grandmother's coat today because mine was at the dry-cleaners, and just being wrapped up in Grammy's old knit peacoat made me miss her a lot. She was one of those women who always appreciated the beautiful things in life, no matter how small. She always had fresh flowers in her house; she always had those decorative soaps that are in the bathroom just to look pretty. She lived her life with class and grace, which are qualities that I always try to embody, but at the same time she wasn't a pushover. That is something I definitely need to work on. I like to think that this new stage of my life is all about being true to myself and what I believe in, with a little guidance from the memories I have of my grandmother and grandfather.
Overall I guess I believe in decency and fulfillment. I believe in being a good person and that good things should follow those who strive to be good. So without revealing too much about myself to the "cosmic void," let's just say that for the past year or more I'd been in a rut career-wise, and I ended that rut last week. I couldn't handle the negativity and abuse (I guess that's the only word that can describe it) of my job, or the fact that I was basically told on a daily basis that something was wrong with me. Not my performance, but my personality. Like I said before, I believe in being true to myself, and the task of being submerged in such a cruel atmosphere was wearing me down and turning me into a person I didn't like being. I will not tolerate someone telling me I'm worthless. So I made a choice. Some would say this was a foolish choice because now I have no idea how I'm going to support myself and am living off savings for a bit until I find something new (to last until graduate school-- hooray! I made a decision!). But I stood up for what I believe in: human decency and truth.
So since I started out talking about You've Got Mail, which is how I got on this whole tangent of my grandmother and life beauty in the first place, I guess I'll close with two quotes from that movie. Oh, and the reminder that I was a Storybook Lady once upon a time and I rocked it.

Birdie, to Kathleen Kelly: "You're daring to march into the unknown armed with...nothing. Have a sandwich."
Kathleen Kelly: "Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."